The Height of Your Life

For adults, height poses a paradoxical problem. The “mature” approach to this problem is to deny that it exists. Since the relative length of bodies should make no difference in the way people interact, therefore it doesn’t. No one really believes this, of course. We’re constantly making assessments of each other based on height alone. (“Well, that’s the way little guys are.” “She’s a big woman and can take care of herself.” “Little and feisty.” “Big and strong.”)

At some level we’re all aware of each other’s height — particularly when we must look way up or down to make eye contact. Such consciousness of relative size comes out in odd ways, many quite innocent. When a tall man sweeps a small woman off her feet in warm embrace, for example — he may not consider that a statement about who’s bigger but she does (ask any little woman). When a smaller person backs off from a taller person, this could simply mean that the taller person doesn’t use Dial. More likely it means that the shorter party is trying to make eye contact without developing a stiff neck. For the same reason, tall people tend to spend a lot of time seated when they’re with smaller companions.

Our daily lives are made up of so many such micro height adjustments that we’re normally not even aware they’re taking place. Yet the life of each one of us is channeled into paths determined by the reactions of other people to our height and our own reaction to theirs.

Research has shown, for example, that the relative length of bodies can dictate choice of friends: like heights tend to cluster. When it comes to picking a marriage partner, height has been found near the top of the list of traits both parties try to match. The physical problems to which we’re vulnerable vary with our body size, as do the sports we chose to play, the candidates for whom we vote — even the work we do and salary we’re paid. Some jobs are considered more suited to smalls (astronaut, religious leader), others to talls (corporate vice-president, Miss America). Personnel officers in a number of fields so clearly prefer taller job applicants that they’re willing to pay them a premium.

As the result of such subtle and not-so-subtle responses to our height, we’re each a product of the feet and inches we’ve been granted. How we feel about ourselves, how we deal with others, and how we are dealt with all depend in some measure on how tall we are.

This is not true just of talls and smalls. A secretary of 5’3″ once complained to me that her average height resulted in very average treatment. “A tall woman walks in,” the secretary explained, “and people say, ‘Oh, she’s nice and tall.’ A short woman walks in and they go, ‘Oh, she’s nice and petite.’ A five-three woman walks in and they just go, ‘She’s nice.’ You’re nothing in particular.”

During interviews conducted for this book I’ve heard in endless variety the ways in which people feel their lives have been influenced by their height. For actor Joel Grey, being short meant being limited to parts as a sidekick, a pal, or as Billy the Kid on TV’s “Maverick” until relatively late in his career. The small size of race driver Mario Andretti made it difficult for him to get cars to race and spurred his determination to “show” taller nemeses. Julia Child found that being 6’2″ kept her from being able to join the WACs during World War II. Joan Rivers, a foot shorter, found that height meant she “got to be the ‘girl'” when practicing with other girls during dancing class.

For teacher Sarah Wellen, being 4’11” (Mrs. Wellen did not seem that small when teaching me two decades ago) made her feel the need for 4-inch heels to stay on top of things in the classroom. The middle school teacher never realized how essential this boost was, she wrote me, until “One day I planned an afternoon softball game for my 8th graders, so I brought my sneakers to change into. I dismissed my class and sent them to the ballfield to await me while I changed and while I disciplined a boy whom I kept after. As I changed shoes behind the desk, I talked seriously and intensively and then stood up next to the boy. He very quickly put me in my place by looking down at me (now that I had lost my 4-inch heels) and saying as he looked at the top of my head, ‘Yes Mrs. Wellen. Yes, Mrs. Wellen.’ My authority had vanished with the 4-inch heels!”

At the spectrum’s other end, a 6′ 8″ museum employee described what it was like to work for a 5-foot boss. “He was so uptight about my height,”said this man, “that I began coming into his office slouched and would immediately go down to my knees and then explain the new project to him. This worked beautifully; he relaxed and we soon had a fine rapport and I was promoted after a very short time. Oddly, I didn’t feel demeaned by this behavior on my part. It was his problem, and I felt badly for him and just tried to help. And it worked out for us both.”

Obviously, the lives of those at the extremes of the height continuum are going to be colored by such dramatic episodes more often than the lives of those closer to the middle. But even from an average perspective, one’s height can shape one’s outlook. “I am 17 1/4 hands high,” wrote an editor, “5′ 9″ to you. You can’t get any more average than that. My average height seems to have heightened a trait of mine. You see, people are either doers or watchers. Tall men and short men are doers. I’m a watcher. For many years I have been half-convinced that I am invisible, a bemused watcher of the doers. When a person, ten years later, says he remembers me, I don’t believe him. He couldn’t because I was invisible.”

As such reports suggest, to some degree we’re all a product of height-related feelings — our own and others’. In response to such feelings, we commonly develop a “style” suited to our size.

Why do we care so much about size and number? My friend Ralph Keyes, who tips the charts with me at five feet seven and a half inches, wrote an entire book about our obsession with this supposedly irrelevant subject — The Height of Your Life. He documented the extraordinary steps that short politicians and film stars often take to avoid discovery of their secret. (Ralph couldn’t even penetrate the subterfuges of Jimmy Carter’s staff to discover the height of our shortest recent president, who is at least an inch or two taller than Ralph and me, and therefore at, or not far from, the American average.) The most amusing item in Ralph’s book is an old publicity shot of a short Humphrey Bogart with two of his leading ladies, Lauren Bacall and Katharine Hepburn. They have just emerged from an airplane. Bogie is on the first step of the gangplank; the two women stand on the ground.

Stephen Jay Gould

As author Ralph Keyes points out: Because tallness is a symbol of power, the tall person isn’t supposed to exercise any power directly, while short people can be feisty and get away with it.

Dr. Joyce Brothers

[In] The Height of Your Life, Ralph Keyes writes that our height is our destiny, and there is a strong and pervasive bias in our society in favor of tall people. It’s true. Erma Bombeck

Ralph Keyes, who wrote a delightful book about height, reports that in his search on this matter, he could find no evidence suggesting that tall employees outperform short ones.

Elaine Hatfield and Susan Sprecher, Mirror, Mirror: The Importance of Looks in Everyday Life i

I just finished reading The Height of Your Life. I thoroughly enjoyed it and found I related to most of your comments.

New Haven, CT

This is a fantastic book. it is by far one of the most important books, to my life, that I have ever read. The insights it provides are just great. … The first chapters made me feel good inside. The short people chapters were helpful in my understanding their viewpoint and the last chapter made me feel good again.

Riverside, CA

Your thorough research and documentation was thought provoking and entertaining.

Riverside, CA

This letter is to let you know how very much I enjoyed your recent book The Height of Your Life. It is a splendid piece of work; a treatment of a difficult subject handled with tact and humor and a good deal of real scholarship.

Scarborough, Ontario

I enjoyed the book immensely!

Atlanta, GA

I tremendously enjoyed reading The Height of Your Life. It was a gift from my boyfriend. I’m five feet tall and he thought it would help me with my height complex. (It has, and I now have some good worm’s-eye-view stories in a stand-up comedy routine I perform.)

Manhattan Beach, CA

After reading The Height of Your Life I felt like I had to write you. I’m 5′ 1 3/4″, but I always round up because I don’t like fractions. My boyfriend is 6′ 3″ and I’ve been trying to figure out why I’m attracted to someone who is so much taller.

Chapel Hill, NC

It was interesting to note that Adolf Hitler was a tall 5′ 8″. I had always imagined him to be a small frustrated man who had a large desire to dominate. Another example of our natural inclination toward prejudicial judgment of small people. … Six feet tall is nice for someone of my height (5′ 10 3/4″). I’ve never been attracted to men of extreme height. I like a body that fits together nicely and moves athletically. Taller men always seem to have some disproportionate part to their bodies. 6′ 2″ or less is fine for me! … I’m one of the few people I know who is satisfied with their height. One thing that bothers me is the fact that men under 5′ 10″ always seem to add 2 or 3″ to their height. This in turn makes me 6′ 1″ or 6′ 2″, much to my dismay. … Well, so much for my thoughts about your book, which I enjoyed very much.

Manchester, CT

Your thorough research and documentation was thought provoking and entertaining.

Riverside, CA

My wife and I both had a terrific time with your book, trading favorite passages and comparing forgotten phobias.

New York, NY

I almost ate it — it’s that good, that important to me. If only I had had it when I was 16, when I wasn’t at all happy with my final feet and inches. And then there’s your clear, graceful writing style to be grateful for.

Harrisburg, PA

Thank you very much for writing your book about height. It was very very insightful for me.

Qualicum, British Columbia